Are there things in life that are non-negotiable? Hell yes! There are people that just cannot be negotiated with, either. This is simply because they only seek to dominate, control, and take from others. Philip tells us here that we don’t have to negotiate with people like that at any time in our lives.
McGraw does tell us, too, that the negative behaviors (alcoholism, cheating, physical and emotional abuse, etcetera) of loved ones are non-negotiable, as well. However, we can set down ultimatums with options in order to correct the situation. But with some of these issues, where personal safety is a consideration, it is strongly advised both by Dr. Phil and the author of this summary that you seek professional advice on how best to go about these things.
Negotiation is always, first and foremost, about safety. It doesn’t matter if it’s a business transaction, something involving a friend or a family matter, “Safety first!” If you feel pressured into something that feels unsafe; you always have the right to stop talking, or, just say, “No!”
Dr. Phil tells us in this chapter of his book, too, that marriage is a constant negotiation. He alludes here, as well, that relationships with goals in place flow a bit better; but doesn’t seem to come right out in say it in the original text this summary is based upon. However, he does make it very clear that the negotiation is ongoing when in an intimate relationship with someone.
McGraw says that negotiation can save a marriage. But he also tells us that it doesn’t mean the marriage should truly be saved either. Are you having marriage trouble in your own life? Professionals would probably be your best bet here.
Understand here that learning to be a good negotiator doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat. Phil McGraw isn’t saying that at all! What he does say here about dealing with people who are doing things that are hurtful to you or your loved ones is pretty simple though. “You have the right to express how you feel about what’s going on in a none-argumentative fashion.” He tells us, too, that in those situations where it is necessary to do so you can put someone on notice. You can let people know that if their behavior continues consequences will be imminent; stating it in a gentle yet firm manner.
However, it is ill-advisable to state anything about consequences unless you are fully prepared to follow through with action based on your words. Also, make sure that you have your facts together before you confront someone about what it is that they are doing.
When you do confront an individual a smile really does help. When we confront people about their unacceptable behavior we should do it calmly, factually and not allow ourselves to be sucked into an argument. Arguments achieve nothing.
Statements of fact, however, are an entirely different ball game in these situations. So, if you find yourself in a position where you feel you have no choice but to confront an antagonist, or just someone doing something you prefer they didn’t, “Keep that in mind!”