Before we get into the common identifiers that will help us to spot Baiters who are coming our way; Dr. Phil suggests that we write down all of the people we routinely interact with in all areas of our life. He suggests that we do this intuitive exercise, first. This way we get a feel for what our gut tells us about the folks we deal with from day to day in our lives.
In doing this exercise; we should break down the people we routinely interact with into categories. These categories can be (but are not limited to) things like; home, work, sports, church, romantic interests, travel, etc. I’m thinking you get the idea here.
After we have our categories laid out and people organized in them accordingly; all we need to do at this point is look at each person’s name as we tune into our intuitive self; asking whether or not each person is dangerous, safe, neutral or suspicious. You might even surprise yourself when you discover what you are feeling internally about some of the people you have listed.
Now, keep in mind, the purpose of this exercise is to just acknowledge your gut level feelings about the people you have listed. After you obtain some additional information from this book; in some cases you might find that it was something completely harmless about a person that made you feel uneasy around them. On the other hand though, “Maybe not!” You’ll have to do the homework on this if you want to find out.
So, you’ve got your gut check list (so to speak) all done now, “Right?” Now take those folks who you have already marked down as dangerous or suspicious and see if you can’t determine what it is about them that makes you feel uneasy. Maybe they seem in control on the surface, but you are left with the feeling that there’s a time bomb ticking underneath that seemingly cool exterior. Maybe they don’t seem to care about their safety or the safety of other people. Maybe they spend too much time for your liking staring at members of the opposite sex. I could go on and on with suggestions to help get you started but I’m pretty sure you can take it from here. No worries! I have complete confidence in you!
Now that we’ve got all that out of the way, here are the eight identifying characteristics of Baiters; Dr. Phil refering to this list as the, “Evil 8.”
- Baiters have a strong sense of entitlement and tend to view people as pawns/or targets they can use and exploit.
- Baiters Lack Empathy. This is not to be confused with sympathy. Mr. McGraw tells us here that Baiters can share your feelings (in other words sympathize). However, they just don’t care to consider your feelings (empathize in other words) as they seek to fulfill their own needs and desires.
- A Baiter is incapable of showing guilt or any kind of remorse for their actions. Phil tells us here, too, that Baiters do not learn from their mistakes, or even make mistakes. Everything is always someone else’s fault.
- Baiters are self-destructive, disregard the safety/wellbeing of others and are irresponsible. They, in short, don’t believe the rules of the road (or any place else) apply to them. Some in the mental health community believe that some Baiters need to take risks in order to get off, feel alive, etc.
- Baiters love crisis and drama. Enough said here? “Alrighty then!”
- Baiters will brag about screwing over other people. They approach life with a, “You snooze you lose,” kind of attitude and lack the ability to see how their handling of interactions with other people might actually be morally wrong. The only thing that really matters to them is that they got ahead; gained something they wanted, etcetera.
- Baiters cannot sustain long term relationships. They have nothing to offer from the inside in any relationship. They can take easily enough, even on an emotional level, but don’t know how to give anything in return. They are just too absorbed in themselves. However, they can give the illusion of being giving people by over giving in an effort to make their targets feel indebted to them.
- Baiters live in the land of illusion. They are capable of lying to the point of being able to flat line the most sensitive of polygraph machines. They can actually begin to believe their own lies. This belief in the line of BS they are feeding folks makes it easy for them to sell their stories or scams to others. They can also make you out to be the one who has persecuted them when in actuality they were the ones who are victimizing/persecuting you.
Got all that now? Yes? Maybe? Hopefully? Well, if you don’t, you have the option to go back and review these eight identifiers as needed at any time. “It’s all good!”