Are you wondering how it is that other people in the world with half your talents are moving ahead; achieving promotions, pay raises, and the credit that really belongs to you? Do you wonder how come other people, sometimes even your own siblings, get the totally hot popular dates while you’re left standing on the sidelines? Do you not understand how it is that people manage to take your money, possessions, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife away from you and constantly seem to come out on top? Do you want to stop the liars, cheaters, manipulators, emotional and physical abusers from bypassing, robbing or hurting you and the ones you love?
Mr. McGraw says we certainly can! Perhaps not entirely; but we can cut a significant amount of the pain other people cause in our lives out of the equation by learning to live by a new code.
When you look back upon those things that have happened to you that are along the lines of what has just been mentioned above; it is suggested that you take the time to figure out what happened, how it happened, and why it happened, if you haven’t done so already. You are entitled to feel angry about the situations others have put you through. But you must also recognize that your emotional response to a matter isn’t going to effect a change.
What is implied here is that after you’ve figured out what, how and/or why something happened you have the choice to do something about it, “If you can.” Otherwise, at some point, you’re going to have to let it go.
Perhaps maybe writing down what transpired between yourself and a particular individual will help you see things more clearly? For some of us; attempting to work out things entirely in our heads is not always the easiest thing to do. This is often because of our emotional feelings of betrayal, anger, or hurt in some other way. These negative feelings interfere with our ability to map things out accurately from start to finish in our minds.
Pouring it all out on paper with as much detail as possible not only clarifies things for us. It helps us to see actionable resolutions to situations that we were unable to spot before we resolved to write it all down. Hey! Even if all of the writing in the world doesn’t help you to find an Actionable Resolution; it does leave you with some concrete information as to how, why and what led to an unwelcome experience with a particular person. It might even help you to identify a few pointers of your own for avoiding these same types of people again in the future, too, if you get in the habit of doing this kind of thing.
Writing is not the cure all for getting through the hurt of the bad things that can happen to good people. However, it does help for some of us, even if it is only just to release some of the pain. If the Devil is hiding in the detail’s than perhaps shining some light on them in black and white will drive the Chief Demon out, “Setting you free!”
Hey! “It’s Just a thought!”
Dr. Phil warns us in this part of his book that routine is dangerous. We tend to fall into a state of low level alertness and become easily predictable in our habits/responses in matters of day to day life when we fall into a routine. This combination of low level alertness and reliable predictability tends to make us and those we care about easy marks for those wishing to enter our lives; using us for their own non-ethical purposes/gain.
Mr. McGraw points out that criminals generally target the elderly, lonely and desperate. This is because they are usually the ones that are easiest to take from. However, regardless of your feelings of age, loneliness or desperation (financial or otherwise); you can help yourself avoid being taken in by the bottom feeders in our society via raising your level of awareness. “By the way!” If you’re routine is that mind numbing for you, “Change it!”
We are informed in this chapter that life is a competition. In church, home and school we are often taught how life is supposed to work, “Not actually how life does work!” It is acknowledged in this chapter that we do live in an exciting time. But we are also warned that taking people at face value is no longer an option.
Dr. Phil McGraw emphasizes the importance of Self Protection. He tells us that those who operate in their day to day life under the guidance of a Moral Compass, which has had a beer can placed next to it, are all around us. Sometimes they are already in our homes, families, at work and often can easily be found out on the street. Phil points out that, although it’s a good thing to pray for those whose Moral Compass is in need of some form of recalibration or replacement, we still need to protect ourselves and loved ones from them. When it comes to keeping what we get and keeping what we already have, Dr. Phil makes it clear, “There can be no other way!”